Crank 2: High Voltage Teaser Trailer!

All right kids, this is what you've been waiting for. I'm going to say right now that this trailer is definitely not appropriate for children or people who are easily offended by graphic language, violence, nudity, or high amounts of electricity. If any of that sounds good to you, check this trailer out below.



Crank 2: High Voltage brings Jason Statham back to the screen as Chev Chelios, the hitman who survives a fall from a helicopter at the end of the first Crank movie. This time around, a Chinese mobster replaces his heart with a battery that needs continuous jolts of energy to stay operational. Needless to say, I'm seriously looking forward to April.

BVR Episode 2!!! Oh, Wait...

Due to some rookie mistakes on my part during the filming of the second BVR episode, the project had to be scrapped because of unusable footage and some audio problems. Fear not though, for we're not giving up on the idea as a whole: BVR will be back*, much like Schwarzenegger in T2 (Can you tell we're on a Terminator kick around here?). Speaking of which...

• Terminator 5 has just been greenlit due to some well-received early footage from Terminator: Salvation. I guess John Connor was lying to us when he said "this war ends tonight" in the trailer, because what's going to happen in T5 if that proves true? In related news, Christian Bale recently underwent successful trachael surgery in order to keep his now-trademarked "Bat-Voice" going in every project he ever does from this point on.

• Rob Zombie's sequel to his remake of Halloween has been given the go-ahead, and it's called H2. Yes, that's it. Not Halloween 2, and it's not a remake of that 1981 movie. This one just joins letters and numbers together ala Se7en and P2 to form one of the laziest titles we've seen in a while. Spoiler alert - Michael is her brother.

• Guess what they're rebooting now? The Phantom, the 1996 Billy Zane classic, is getting the update treatment. Apparently this movie will have nothing to do with its predecessor and is taking the en vouge "dark beginnings" storyline. I'm sending out a plea to anyone who reads this - let's start a petition to get Zane back in that purple costume. (That movie actually holds up pretty well if you watch it today. Which I would highly recommend.)

• Also in the remake queue is The Crow. I've never seen it, but I'd venture a guess that it's not actually about a crow. Other movies they could make about animals? Cybernetic emu, and flesh-eating sheep. Oh, wait...

• In Twilight news (ugh...), they hired the guy who directed The Golden Compass to direct the Twilight sequel New Moon, set for release in November '09. Way to take this seriously, Summit Entertainment. My definition of success is Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman fighting talking bears and god-killing children. Hot Topic vampire clothes are on sale, now with a free side of atheism.

• In more manly news, The Expendables is coming! Stallone's sure-to-be masterwork (he's writing, directing, and starring) is picking up steam as it heads for production. So far in the cast, we've got Sly himself, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and...Randy Couture? Who the hell is that? Oh, yeah - a UFC fighter. That sport where sweaty, shirtless dudes T-bag each other into submission. Stallone, I'm disappointed. This was your shot to pull Arnold out of the political sphere and back into action where he belongs (not that Arnie's not a good governor, but you know). Oh, what could have been...

• I had a pretty funny voiced-over trailer for Seven Pounds worked up, but the video file is corrupted. Technology is not my friend right now. Hopefully if I can un-corrupt it (is such a thing possible? I'm about to find out), then I can get it posted somewhere soon.

• It's Alice! Word from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland camp comes in today that the movie is going to feature live action, performance capture, AND stop motion technology. Alan Rickman says his face is going to be digitally inserted onto a model of a caterpillar, and he reveals the Helena Bonham Carter (The Red Queen)'s head will be three times its normal size on top of a normal body.
  

• And I'm sure everyone has heard about this already, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Eddie Murphy has been cast as The Riddler and Shia LaBeouf is going to be Robin in the upcoming sequel to The Dark Knight. This report comes straight from The Sun, the uber-reliable British tabloid that proves with this announcement that they have moved from "ridiculous" to "ludicrous" reporting. I guess they missed the memo that a sequel to The Dark Knight hasn't even been confirmed yet (let alone a script written and actors cast), and Warner Brothers is still in talks with Nolan on if he'll return or not. Other people who have supposedly been "cast" in this movie? Johnny Depp as The Riddler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin, and - my favorite - Cher, Angelina Jolie, and Rachel Weisz as Catwoman. You might as well start making up your own rumors at this point, readers, because it's tough to get any more outlandish than Eddie Murphy as the Riddler.

*I'm not linking to my sources this time, because these were all things I was planning on covering in video form so I didn't bookmark them and I'm too lazy to go back and find them now. You'll just have to trust me. And I'd like to thank Tyler Branz, editor of The Solar Sentinel, for co-writing the content of this post for Ben's Video Roundup. We'll get them next time, Gadget.

Hot Tub Time Machine Update!

Wow, I had almost forgotten about this movie. Glad it's getting a little love.

The co-writers and director of Sex Drive, a funny Superbad-esque film that came out back in October, are taking over and are set to co-direct HTTM. It's being written by first-time screenwriter Jason Heald (previously referred to as "Josh Heald"), and in case you need a little reminder, here's the logline:

"Hot Tub" follows a group of guys, adults who used to be cads back in their heyday, who, after a night of vodka and Red Bulls in a hot tub, travel back in time and set out to rediscover their "mojo."

Sounds pretty awesome. Keep this project rolling.

Jurassic Park 4 Is Not Happening

For those of you who are fans of the JP franchise, I've got some bad news. It appears that Michael Crichton's death last month had a great deal of influence when it comes to continuing the series.

"You know, when Crichton passed away, I kinda felt maybe that's it. Maybe that's a sign we don't mess with it." - Producer Kathleen Kennedy

The first movie's success has been well documented, and while The Lost World wasn't as good, it still was pretty enjoyable. And I'll be right alongside you in saying that Jurassic Park 3 sucked terribly, but call me an optimist - I was kind of looking forward to a fourth entry. Recent talks featured ideas of dinosaurs being outfitted with weapons for governmental attack purposes, and the return of Dr. Ellie Satler (Laura Dern's character) led me to believe that Sam Neill and the honorable Jeff Goldblum might come back also. I guess it's for the best that this isn't going to happen. But maybe in a few years...

Fables Coming To ABC

Fables, an ongoing comic series created by Bill Willingham, has been picked up for development by ABC television.

The comic, which features all of the fairy tale characters (The Big Bad Wolf, Snow White, etc) living together in New York City after they escaped from their home worlds, has been running since 2002 and shows no signs of slowing down. Incidentally, it's one of the few comics that I read and I can't recommend it highly enough. Check it out at a library if you have to, but do whatever you can to get your hands on a copy of this series. The first issue is free online here.

As far as the news of its new television counterpart - I was talking with Jared (who got me hooked on Fables) and we agree that the source material is best adapted into a long form TV series rather than trying to squeeze things into a film. That's not to say that after a few years of running on ABC, a movie spin off couldn't happen. All I have to say is I hope the creators of this show do the comic justice. If done correctly, this could easily be one of the coolest shows on TV.

Roundup 12/4

I know it's been a while since I've updated this page. Here's what you need to know.

• As the Hollywood remake train continues to rape and pillage memories of good films, Romancing The Stone becomes the next victim. The original was really awesome - a treasure hunting adventure through the jungle starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner when she was still hot. Check that out if you get a free couple hours.

• Jay Baruchel (the serious soldier in Tropic Thunder) is in talks to star in a live action version of The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Disney's famous animated segment from Fantasia. Baruchel would play Mickey Mouse's character, while (get this) Nicolas Cage would play the part of the mean old wizard, this time looking for an apprentice in modern day New York. National Treasure director Jon Turtletaub will direct. Sounds interesting, and I actually think that casting with Nic Cage is spot on.

• There's a new Tarzan movie on the horizon, but it's not animated and I don't think Phil Collins has anything to do with it. This time around, they're losing the "raised by apes origin story for a 1930's set-romp" featuring a romantic subplot. This is a real quote from the article: "Think Pirates of the Carribean with buffed-and-tanned actors flying through the jungle and sprinting up trees, parkour style." I can't take this seriously at all. There's got to be a lot of precaution taken to avoid making this one of the most stupid films of the decade.

• Supposedly, there's a treatment of Speed 3 making its way through Hollywood. Nothing has been greenlit yet, but there's talk that Keanu could come back for this one after (wisely) sitting out the disastrous Speed 2: Cruise Control. If they get Keanu back and keep the Speed-related subtitles, I'm totally down with this.

• For the Shia fans out there, LaBeouf has signed on to star in the adaptation of John Grisham's (read: probably boring court stuff) upcoming book, The Associate. Sounds like pretty standard Grisham from the plot description - brilliant law student, seedy firms, guy with a secret past, blah blah blah.

• Ben Stiller is interested in Zoolander 2. Honestly, this movie is still being quoted eight years after it's release, so that probably means it's warranted this time. Whether or not it'll actually happen is a different story. ("How are we going to teach kids how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?")

• Since Neveldine/Taylor left Jonah Hex, Punisher: War Zone and Green Street Hooligans director Lexi Alexander has tossed her hat into the ring as a possible replacement. I think she'd be great - Green Street Hooligans was awesome, even if Punisher looks painfully bad. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt with Jonah Hex.

• In the latest case of people stealing our ideas, the official title for the sequel to District B13 has been released - District B13: Ultimatum. David Belle and Cyril Raffaelli (the stars of the first one) are coming back, and French action guru Luc Besson is writing the script (which should just include a lot of sweet parkour stuff). Count me in.

• Speaking of sequels, Hancock 2 is on the way. According to Will Smith, there are many unexplored characters in the Hancock universe that haven't been explored yet and we'll "definitely" be seeing a sequel in the next few years. I kind of liked the "twist" in the first one, but as is the case the most of these, I really don't think a sequel is necessary. Although it is Will Smith, so you've got to give him a little credit that he knows what he's doing. The guy is by far the most bankable actor working in Hollywood today.